Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life.

As the mist evaporated under sunbeams so did my depressive thoughts — they lifted and rose into the clouds. Because I realized I have control over nothing but this very moment. And that brings me calm as much as it can scare me. There is beauty in this moment, this is my life. I have to appreciate what I am in control of and that is the way I feel and what I think about. The mountain healed me gently and soothed my soul. After five months in Peru, I think I had forgotten how grounding it is to connect myself with nature—along with that, opening up and connecting with the other volunteers. 

I’ve been feeling a lot of unease lately, uncertainty about my future, and feeling loneliness like never before in my entire existence. But hiking this mountain, seeing the beauty of what it all means, the reason I came to this country, has released me from so much inner turmoil and indecision. 

We hardly drank the entire weekend, and I felt like I was able to get to know them more on an intimate level. We cooked breakfast together; french toast and bacon, a luxury, we spent time watching TV and got Mexican food. For once things felt normal, and I appreciated the simple comfort of being together. I also realized I am not alone in this, and I can lean on my new friends. I opened up about my woes to the other volunteers, and my friend Hayes told me, “I’m doing this for the lore. So two years from now, I can say I spent two years in Peru.” Audrey comforted me, explaining that her home life hasn’t been perfect either and she has felt like giving up on the “integrating” that we are so deeply pressured by Peace Corps to pursue 24/7. I have been so scared to share how I feel with other volunteers because social media makes it seem like they are having some fantastical, idyllic experience in the Peruvian Andes. I didn’t feel comfortable being real with anyone. I even find myself losing contact with people I was close to during training because their communication styles and social media presence

have puzzled me. If I don’t feel comfortable being myself, then what is the point in opening up? 

Overall, this weekend was transformative for my mood. I feel like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Five months down and twenty-two more to go, screw it. Momma didn’t raise no quitter, and I plan to finish what I started.